If you’re feeling distant from a partner or loved one and want to reconnect–you may need to:
- look at your partner with beginner’s mind
- do the scary work of emotional vulnerability
36 Questions is structure that can help you with these common sense, yet often elusive practices. These questions were developed and tested by psychologists. The results? A pair of strangers fell in love.
“The secret to getting ahead is getting started.” -Mark Twain
“By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.” -Benjamin Franklin
“The [person] who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.” -Chinese Proverb
I work with many clients who suffer from gender dysphoria. During any given week, I host several conversations regarding clients’ gender expression as related to their sense of self and well-being. There are several means, depending on the situation, to bolster client efforts in synchronizing their gender expression (cues visible to others) with their gender identity (their self-experienced gender).
Some people seek an official assessment for potential hormone referral therapy. These assessments include an intake of the client’s life history including child & adolescent development; transition goals; coping resources; and any co-occurring problems (such as depression or trauma histories). During later stages in the process, I may invite clients to bring family members into the meetings for increased social support (this part is required earlier for adolescents).
Other clients, such as gender non-conforming people, benefit from deconstructing any unhelpful gender associations & roles they internalized from developmental and social contexts. Then, therapeutic techniques such as assertiveness training help privilege their own unique identity and facilitate choices & empowerment.
I purchased a subscription to SexSmartFilms.com, a collection of hundreds of educational and therapeutic videos for common sex therapy concerns. I look forward to providing customized video recommendations to clients. Without a subscription, each video can be viewed one time for about $1.00.
Do you want to capture an aging or dying loved one’s legacy? The art of interviewing can seem intimidating. Fortunately, the Legacy Project offers questions you may ask in order to deepen your connection and understanding. Many of my favorite questions are in the “Identity” and “Life Lessons and Legacies” sections.
Wow, time flies when you’re having fun! Here are my major business updates for November and December 2016, I:
New clients are welcome to schedule January 2017 appointments. However, I am booked until that time. If you want to schedule an appointment or initial phone consultation, please contact me.
This October I completed another step towards my Sex Therapist certification. I traveled to Washington DC to complete the Sexual Attitude Reassessment training. The SAR is a 10 hour intensive small group course for psychotherapists. We processed our reactions to various sexual materials–in order to discover and manage any personal biases that may otherwise interfere with successful therapy.
I enjoyed a webinar with Richard Schwartz, developer of the Internal Family Systems therapy model. The IFS model grew out of other family therapy models that examined “roles” each family member inherits in reaction to each other & the family’s overall needs. The IFS model examines various “parts”, or roles, within a person, often developed within confusing family dynamics. For example, an individual is likely to develop various “protector” parts and other parts that are “exiles”–parts that express impulsive or other unwelcome behavior. In the IFS model, healing occurs as each part is attended to with curiosity and awareness. When the parts are understood, they relax and trust a well-informed leader–the “self.”
Schwartz’s IFS website: Center for Self Leadership
At a time when people are gaining awareness about the dynamics & negative effects of sexual abuse AND deconstructing puritanical sexual beliefs & misinformation, Doug Braun-Harvey offers us six principles of sexual health. These principles are important guideposts in a frequently neglected and obscured corner of mental health treatment–as well as human lifespan development more generally.
- pleasure: healthy sexuality leads to joy and/or empowerment (rather than detachment, and/or shame)
- consent: participants should be in full, active agreement to the particular sexual acts, time, place, people, etc.
- non-exploitation: secrecy and betrayal prevent partners from engaging in a psychologically-safe intimacy
- protection: healthy partners collaborate in preventing transmission of STI’s and unwanted pregnancies
- honesty: healthy partners voice their desires, limits, and ambivalence
- shared values: connections are built on common meanings
If you would like to examine how your life interfaces with these principles, please contact me. BTW, imagine how much psychological pain would be eliminated and how much pleasure would increase if adolescent sexual education raised conscientiousness about these intra-personal and interpersonal factors.